INSOMNIA

Last night i went to bed with big plans for the week ahead. I was thinking of what i wanted to get at the grocery store, what i wanted to do for a workout the next morning, what i needed to get done at work. what i was going to do if things changed at work... how was i going to get this all done... why does everything have to be so stressful... remember when it wasn't stressful... or does it just not seem stressful now b/c it is so stressful now..... can my body handle all this stress... am i going to freak out again and lay in bed for 2 weeks hoping the world will end around me.....
2 hours of this and that... thoughts not staying for more than 5 seconds... my brain on constant fast forward. somewhere i fell asleep... my alarm going off a few minutes after cory left for work. i turned it off. sometimes i know what is best for me. The groceries can wait until after work tonight. Work will always be there... overwhelming and unfinished.... there is no end to the madness... the art is in control. Control of my thoughts and my actions and my happiness.

deep breath in two three four and out two three four five six seven eight....

robyn

dreams

Last night i had a high school dream. i was rejected by the snobby girls. Left in a parking lots screaming "fuck you" and giving the finger to someone that wasn't worth the effort. feeling shitty because you think you aren't good enough. i woke up feeling great. however, is it my sub conscious trying to tell me that i feel shitty on the inside. Or is it my sub conscious reminding me that i am right and she is a snobby bitch :-)

ugh

How convenient... my horoscope says that i will be argumentative today.... is there such thing as power of suggestion?!
I DON'T WANT TO BE GRUMPY TODAY!!

mind of matter... or mind over mind... or whatever?!?!?!

-hee hee

breath in positivity

exhale love! Wise words. i feel good. i'm looking better. today i received an email from one of my oldest and closest friends. Every time i see her name in my inbox a smile comes across my face. I know that friends are one of the most important things in my life. They hold me up and keep me going. I worked hard for these relationships and enjoy all the positivity that comes from them. Onward friendship soldiers... we have the world to conquer....
peace

caffeine

Still feeling good. Not sure if it is the coffee i just drank or the pilates i did this morning. However, i'm still soaking up the positivity that is flowing through my being. i feel motivated, but have still not performed. The mere thought of the amount of awesome things that i want to do is overwhelming. The fact that money is not the most plentiful thing in my pockets right now doesn't help. Maybe i should make a list of those feel good acts that don't cost a thing...... maybe not :-) i have so much i want to do... so much!

outtie 5000

a week later

I feel like a new person today. I'm sure it's the hormones surging in a positive way, but i'll take it. The older i get, the more i relish mind frames like the one i am currently in. I did a new yoga DVD today. I meditated, quite unsuccessfully. And I have a photography class on Saturday morning. I'm excited about that. I have had this belief since i was young, that you are good at what you are good at. However, i think i am beginning to realize that everything takes practice and improvement. I can still do anything i want, i just have to learn and improve. We'll see i guess.... I'll let you know when i am on the cover of TIME magazine.

peace

Just relax

I've had quite a few weeks. My doctor ordered generic birth control and I'm blaming all my mood swings on that. I've screamed and cried almost every day since the switch. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe not EVERY day, but the majority... at least 75%!! I was afraid the better half might think twice about celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary yesterday. (is that the paper anniversary?!?!) He of course was wonderful. We went to Lowes and was there for 90 minutes and accomplished NOTHING. This of course was due to the lack of informed personnel. however, afterwards we went to the Humane Society where we adopted our dog 1 year ago and gave them a picture to display. Then we went to an amazing restaurant in Lawrence KS, Free State Brewery. It was delicious. And even though I weighed in before this gigantic meal and posted a 2 lb weight loss, i'll be working that meal off all week. It was so worth it.

so here's to 2 years of wedded bliss... and yoga and meditation all week to smooth out this personality disorder I seem to be developing in my 30's.

love and peace to all!!

motivated

I have now been on weight watchers for 5 months and have lost 30 lbs. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I may even be able to wear shorts this summer with out vomiting :-)

yay!